Mom is going to be going out of town today for work. I think she’s going to Texas. I’m not really sure, she left before I could ask her anything. I guess I’m a fault here because we talked about it at dinner but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too focused on what I was gonna wear to impress Ciel. I heard details here and there but I really can’t remember. I hate when this happens, when I am suppose to be focused on something important but something else goes on in my mind and I end up focusing on that but I know for sure that she is going to be gone for a couple days, so I decided to stay home. I told mom and she call the school to say that I won’t be there. Maybe I’ll use the outfit tomorrow, I know Ciel won’t mind if I won’t be there for one little day. That reminds me I never told you of my second childhood friend. I remember his name too! He’s name is Blake Connor. I met him when I was I think five years? We used to be neighborhood buddies. We played together a lot like we did every thing best friends do. We even pranked a couple of houses on our street, of course we get in trouble but later on we decided it was all worth it so we do it again. We kept having fun together until one day he had to move. His parents was sick and tired of their son getting in trouble so they moved. I still remember the face he made in the back of the car as he left. It was a lonely, sad, depressing look with tears streaming down his face. That was first and only time I saw a boy cry. The feeling when you see a boy cry is unbearable, especially when The situation has you involved. The feeling that makes you want to cry with him and be there with him every second of his life. Then there’s anger of knowing it’s you’re fault and you can’t do anything to stop it. Sometimes you got to cherish the little memories you got. Hold on be right back. Someones knocking at my door
(Later that day)
So Ciel is in my apartment when he’s suppose to be at school. He thought I was sick so he decided to stay home too. Here’s the convo:
Ciel: Why are you home alone? Are you skipping or you’re sick? You’re sick aren’t you?
Me: Wait hold on just a minute. Calm down I’m not-
Ciel: We gotta get you to bed! Where’s your room? Wait found it! *picks me up*
Me: Put me down! I’m not-
Ciel: * lays me on bed* I’ll be right back. I’ll go make you some soup.
Me: I’m not sick you idiot!
Ciel: Then you are skipping?
Me: No just relaxing at home.
Me: Because I want to. Is there a problem?
Ciel: Your mom is letting you do this?
Me: Yeah. Seeing as she is going to be gone for a couple days
Ciel: What do you mean?
Me: Mom went out if town for work. She won’t be able to come back for a couple of days
Ciel: I’m so sorry *hugs me tightly*
Me: ….Meh. I’m used to it. This wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.
Ciel: *pretends to cry* That’s so sad! I promise to visit you everyday!
Me: Fine but don’t do anything stupid or that will bother me
Ciel: I swear on my grave
Me: That’s deep
Me & Ciel: *laughs*
And that’s it besides we watch lot of anime and play video games. I didn’t even know he was that type of guy to like anime and stuff. I guess we really do have a lot in common. I’m kinda glad. Now I can get closer to him. Not in a pervy way but you know what I mean. I’m starting to think this is my 10 year old childhood friend. I gotta do more research on him to if he really is.
I have decided to confront Ciel at lunch today. I grabbed him from his table and talked to him in private. We decided to be friends and I told him my issues of being friends. The sweet thing is that he promised to protect me with his life. It’s sweet but kinda creepy at the same time but enough of that. I really think we hit it off, we exchange notes in class, we talked in the hallways to class and he walked me home (I think). Supposely he lives next door to me, all alone. Note to self never let him persuade me into going to his house (18+ joke). Well here is the convo on the way home:
Ciel: So how do you feel since you finally have a friend?
Me: Shut up it’s not my fault
Ciel: How can it not be your fault?
Me: Its because of my phobia
Ciel: What phobia?
Me: *blush* I have a phobia of being hated
Ciel: I didn’t know there was such a phobia
Me: Well now you know
Ciel: You’re weird
Ciel: Yesterday you’re all mean and snooty and now you’re all cheerful and nice. You on your period?
Me: *trys to slap him*
Ciel: *catches hand and gets closer* You’re cute when you’re happy
Me: *blushes* Well we’re here *pulls back hand*
Ciel: Hey this is the same place I live at!
Me: You’re kidding
Ciel: Nope apartment number 113
Me: Oh God
Me: We’re neighbors
Ciel: Really? That’s awesome!
Me: No it’s not
Me: If mom sees me with a boy, she’s gonna flip!
Ciel: Then let’s take different routes throughout the building.
Me: Ok I guess I’ll see you later?
Ciel: Yeah *kisses my forehead*
Me: *blush* Umm see ya
I don’t know why he does that, we aren’t even dating. I know he likes me but don’t have to go that far! That’s like the first ever time I actually turned red. Gahhhh! This is so frustrating even though I like it. I was kinda hoping he would even kiss me on the lip but *blush*…. No not happening! I really hope I’m not getting seduced. I hope he’s for real about liking me
Today we got a new transfer student. He’s from England; he kinda looks like my old best friend I was telling you about but I don’t know for sure. Maybe I should become friends with him. He’s name is Ciel Finlay and he is 17, just a year old than me. How I know? We talked during lunch. I’m not going to lie, there were girls surrounding him but he ditched them and sat at my table. Here is how our convo went down:
Ciel: Why are sitting by yourself?
Me: Why you wanna know?
Ciel: You look lonely
Me: Are you hitting on me?
Ciel: That depends on you
Ciel: If you are looking for a boyfriend
Me: Sorry I’m not interested
Me: You’re not my type and I’m fine by myself
Me: You can leave now
Ciel: For you
Me: What do you mean?
Ciel: No friends, no boyfriend
Me: I got friends
Ciel: Then where are they?
Me: That is none of your business
Ciel: Can you at least consider of being friends?
Me: I’ll think about it
Ciel: Ok then I will see you next period then
Ciel: See ya
So thats how the conversation went. I think he is a little ( ok a lot) over his head. If he was less confident, I think he would be the perfect guy to date. I don’t know even if we can be friends. The last thing I need is for drama and bullying happening to me because I became friends with him. I mean like look at him! He got surrounded by girls on the first day of school! Maybe if he really wants to be friends me I will give him something to do to drop his popularity down a little bit and I can just talk to him about the confidence, just tell him to take it down a notch. Whew I feel myself getting nervous. This has never happened to me before unless I’m on stage singing for choir or I’m at a love scene on an anime I’m watching. My heart keeps beating faster every time I think of his face. Could this be actual love or is my mind playing tricks on me?
I have love many ways that it’s so sad. I grown to even know when a girl/boy likes a boy/girl. Many people ask me how do I know how love works even though I can’t even keep a boyfriend. The truth is that I know how the world works, not just love. I know what you’re thinking “if so then you’re life must be perfect with millions of friends and awesome parents”. That is completely wrong. I have only about three friends and crappy excuses for parents. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I know “everything” yet I can’t even keep my life in check. At times I can be unsure about what I say like when I talk about love, I’m not even sure if it’s true. I just say stuff that makes sense but it’s probably not true. Also people think I’m good and innocent but I don’t know if I am. I do bad things but I do it for a really good reason. In my opinion I think everything has to be done for a reason, even if it’s a stupid reason. If there is no reason it’s useless. I hate useless things but if they are mementos I will cherish them, just like my diamond necklace I got from my best friend when I was 10. I think he liked me around that time. I also think that is why he gave me the diamond necklace. To be honest, he was my first love. I never dated him but I had a huge crush on him. He was super adorable; he had black short wavy hair, shiny dark brown eyes, and soft silky white skin that resembled a very soft pillow. Sometimes I wish I could see him again, or even keep in touch but we didn’t have phones or computers. To this day, I don’t even remember his name but I got a feeling in my heart that I will meet with him again. I might even not know that it’s him or I might know it’s him right when I see him. I just believe I will reunite him someday.